My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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