you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize