Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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