btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize