i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
