It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
