Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
