just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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