we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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