Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
