Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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