hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
