So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
