If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
