I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
