I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She bit a glass in half.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
