This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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