Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
