How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
