A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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