Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
