I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
