I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
