He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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