I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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