So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
