fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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