I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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