You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize