I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
