dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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