brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
