Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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