I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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