Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize