I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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