i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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