she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
