I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
