i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
