I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
