I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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