Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
