I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
