I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
