so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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