His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
