I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
