remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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