it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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