Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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