I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
