first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
