Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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