he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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