Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
