it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
