I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize