some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
