My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
