hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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