margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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