Moan for me like Helen Keller
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
