the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
