It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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