She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
