Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
