I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
