Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
