I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
