I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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