at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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