can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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