I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
