well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
