i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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