remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am mentally ready for anal.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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