What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
