M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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