Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
