I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
