its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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