I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize